Another Painful Goodbye.

Sabtu yang lepas, 26 Mei 2012, sudah pukul 11.00 ketika telefon rumah berbunyi. Rupanya Cik Joe yang telefon. Cik Joe yang kami sekeluarga memang kenal sejak saya kecil lagi kerana dia merupakan anak tiri kepada We (bunyinya were). We sudah saya anggap seperti nenek saya sendiri kerana dia lah yang menjaga kami tiga beradik sejak kami kecil sehingga kami tamat sekolah rendah. Walaupun kami tiga beradik sudah lama meninggalkan rumah We, tapi hubungan kami dengan We masih rapat, masih utuh. Setiap tahun tak pernah kami gagal untuk beraya dengan We.

Ya, Cik Joe menelefon kami pada malam tersebut hanya untuk memberitahu bahawa We sudah pergi buat selama-lamanya. Ya Tuhan, 25 Jan 2012 tarikh Wan pergi meninggalkan kami. Tepat 4 bulan 1 hari selepas itu, giliran We pula meninggalkan kami. Ya Allah, berat hati untuk menerima kenyataan bahawa dua orang yang menjadi nenek saya sudah tiada lagi. Malam itu juga kami sekeluarga menziarahi jenazah We. Sesampai di rumah Cik Joe, melihat jenazah We terbujur di tengah rumah, air mata tumpah dengan galak sekali. Hampir terjelepuk di tepi dinding bila melihat jenazah We kaku begitu. Adik perempuan galak menangis. Hampir meraung mungkin. Ya, sudah pasti begitu kerana antara kami tiga beradik, dialah yang paling rapat dengan We. Dialah juga yang mula-mula membuka kain yang menutup jenazah We. Air muka We nampak tenang. Terbayang dia yang menjaga kami, yang rajin membawa kami ke sana sini.

Saat itu terbayang saya ketika hari Wan meninggal dunia. Ya, masih saya ingat sesampai saja di luar rumah dia, saya meraung bila melihat begitu ramai orang di luar rumah. Sebab bukan itu keadaan yang saya mahu lihat. Bila melihat jenazah Wan, memang saya menangis semahu-mahunya sebab saya tak pernah bermimpi mahu pulang melihat jenazah Wan kaku begitu. Ya, walaupun We bukanlah nenek kandung saya, saya tetap merasai kehilangan dia. Seperti kata @ateekaamer, kadang-kadang bukan pangkat/hubungan kekeluargaan yang buat kita tangisi kehilangan seseorang itu, bila kita ada emotional attachment dengan seseorang pasti kita terasa dengan kehilangannya.

Pagi Ahad, jenazah We dimandikan, dikafankan, disembahyangkan dan dikebumikan. Sempat saya mencium dia untuk kali terakhir. Tenang sungguh wajah We. Dan rupanya We disemadikan di tanah perkuburan yang sama dengan Wan. Malahan jarak kubur Wan dan We tidak lah jauh sangat, hanya sepelaung mungkin. Sesudah selesai pengkebumian We, kami melawat kubur Wan. Dan sekali lagi saya menangis semahunya di kubur Wan. Ya, saya rindu dengan dia. Teramat rindu sekali. Terasa sungguh saya dengan kehilangan Wan.

Ya benar, saya masih lagi ada seorang lagi nenek. Namun, kasih sayang itu tak sama. Saya sayang semua nenek saya, cuma tahap kasih sayang itu berbeza. Keakraban itu tak sama. Dan sekarang sejak Wan tiada, cuma nenek itu sajalah yang menjadi tempat bermanja.

Ya, moga Wan dan We saya tenang di sana.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Goodbye blogs.

For all that I can remember, I used to super love reading b2b or ex-b2b blogs. I can spent hours and hours of my free time reading these blogs. Read their preparation, their vendor reviews and their experiences. And up till to a point, where I mark my favourite b2b blogs and only read those blogs. It's crazy. I think there were about 30 b2b blogs that I've marked as favourite in my browser. Yeah, it's sound crazy, I know.

Slowly, last month, my laptop was crashed (for the i-don't-know-how-many-times-my-laptop-been-crash), so I didn't read those blogs anymore. That also, one of the reason for not updating the blog, laptop iolss masuk sepital noks. Now, I use le dad's netbook (much to my brother despise), and to my surprise, hey why the hell I'm not reading the b2b blogs anymore. I know the name of some of the famous b2b blogs, I can just Google it and tadaaa, it's there. So why am I not reading them anymore?

It's simple. For all I know, one of my bloody weakness, is I'm easily influenced. It's easy actually for people to influence me. But no boyfriend, I won't support Arsenal no matter how handsome van Persie is or how much you support that team. I stick to MU, thank you very much.

I'll be honest here. One of the main reason for me to read those b2b blogs is because in future I want to get marry. Like, who doesn't want to get marry, right? The bride-to-be? Ahem, checked. The groom-to-be? Checked. Both parents knew about us? Checked. Are we serious in our relationship and want to spend the rest of our lives together? Yes. So, naturally a wedding plan is in my head or should I say, our head perhaps. But nothing serious yet. We were merely planning. Yes, baru planning je. When are we planning to tie the knot? We are not sure yet. It's still early. I just hope that I can finally tie the knot with him. Insyallah, amin. So, in the beginning, I read those b2b blogs just to get info on what to expect when planning a wedding.

Later, I found out that b2b blogs are kinda bad to people who are easily influence like me. For example; suddenly I want a candy buffet, I want to have this, have that, want this, want that, and it's bad y'know. For all I know, the main reason behind a wedding is a union between the two souls (Ya ampun kenapa ayat aku sebegitu jiwang ni), the beginning of a journey for two persons and to finally have a halal relationship. So, it doesn't matter kan who's your decorator, either it NGI or KS Entourage, who's your wedding dress designer, the importance of having a candy buffet or photobooth in your wedding, the way napkins should be fold, flower arrangement, 3 panels or 5 panels dais etc.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to be thrifty or being stingy during my wedding day. My point is why would I want to think about gazillions of minor stuff that unrelated to a marriage. Hey, and I'm not judging anyone. Different people have different views/opinions. And this is my honest opinion. And I didn't condemn any ex-brides or future brides whose blogs I have read. No. Just don't get me wrong. But, bukan la aku nak wedding bajet pun. Get it.

Nevertheless, it's still good to read b2b blogs to find out information about legal procedures or HIV test etc. It's not wrong to read b2b blogs. It is just me yang senang terpengaruh dengan apa orang buat lepas tu sibuk nak buat sama lepas tu buat tambah pening kepala je. Itu aku la ye. Pendapat aku.

Ye, boyfriend, awak dah boleh tarik nafas lega sekarang. Pffftttt.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

hello, it's been a while.

Life has been hectic than ever, which is one of the reason for not updating the blog. I guess as you grow older, your priority has changed, your views on certain things has changed and those experiences has make your perspective somehow change as well. It is almost June already and time flies really really fast. Where did those 5 months gone? Like seriously??

I feel like it is only yesterday I lost my grandmother but in reality is is almost 4 months since the grandmother been rest in peace, forever. I miss her. I still can't believe that she's gone. I know it's all Qada' dan Qadar. I already accept her death as fate. But deep inside, Allah know how much I miss her. I bet it is not only me who miss her terribly. All of us (her children and her grandchildren) are missing her badly. Two weeks ago, Mum gave me my late grandmother's bracelet. At first, I was gobsmacked when Mum gave it to me, as I know that my late grandmother has worn that bracelet during her life. It may not an expensive bracelet, but it is something that once belongs to her, and now it is mine. Feel like apart of her is with me now.

How's life at school?

Wonderful, although there are some minor glitch here and there, but apart from that, I love love love and super love my life at school. I love my girls and I treasure each memories that I had with them. During the recent Teacher's Day celebration, my class students surprised me when they gave me a pair of beautiful kurung moden. MasyaAllah, Iwould never expect that you girls would give such a present. The kurung moden is perfectly beautiful and I super love it. Thanks sayang-sayang 4K sekalian.

One of the colleague said:

"Kau ni kan garang dalam kelas. Kalau dapat marah tu, seberang jalan boleh dengar suara kau marah budak. Tapi bila Hari Guru dapat jugak hadiah, budak-budak sayang jugak kat kau"

Hmmm, the picture above was taken during Teacher's Day celebration. Can you spot me? Yours truly is now proudly wearing Tudung Ekin/Ariani or whatever that tudung keras that you might call it. But I only wore those tudung at office, as I  think those tudung are perfect with kurungs, not for my casual weekend clothes. But the most important thing is, I don't have to spent hours during the morning, in front of the mirror just to fix my selendang. Noks, mak berpeluh-peluh tau pagi-pagi nak lilit-lilit selendang nak tu uolss. My tudung sarung is perfect for office. So, ada alasan nak bangun lambat, LOL.


Le bf came to Malacca a few weeks ago to spent his precious weekend with me #muntahhijau. It is wonderful to have him by my side during those 4 days. Long distance relationship is really a major pain in the ass y'know. We spent time together by;

1) Watching  movies together - The Avengers, Safe and Battleship.

2) Dinner together at Umbai - Demi you sayang yang nak sangat makan ikan bakar kat Umbai, I gigih drive cari jalan nak ke Umbai walaupun tak tahu jalan sangat.

3) Watch Spell It Right competition at Mahkota Parade

4) Spent lovely time together at book stores - Lovely la sangat padahal sorang kat fiksyen section sorang lagi kat humanities section

5) Shopping - Like duh, shopping is a must. And shopping using HIS money makes me happy as clam.

6) Accompany him watched football match between Arsenal and Norwich (I think it's Norwich, the match which Arsenal were held draw 3-3)

7) Talk and talk and talk for hours

How funny it is to think that we have known each other for almost 6 years, and only now I'm so infatuated with him. Like crazy. Before this, he had unofficially proposed to me twice (2009 and 2010). Mind you, he did not proposed me to be his girlfriend, but to be his wife. And the stupid me turn down both of his proposal. Don't ask me why, perhaps I was so stubborn, so silly and so crazy at that time. He even kidding, that if I accept his proposal at 2010, I would probably have a son/daughter or at least I would be pregnant by now. Yeah rightttt sayang. But deep inside, I know it is true. Sometimes I wonder why did I turn down his proposal before? Why? But I guess there must be a reason behind it. It's Fate, I guess. Qada' and Qadar.


It's a lengthy post here. Akan datang, entah bila lagi nak update tak tahu la kan. Sesekali update kasi je la panjang-panjang kan, LOL.

Tangan Saya Yang Buta.

Dulu masa sekolah, baik masa sekolah rendah atau sekolah menengah, subjek yang paling I benci sekali adalah subjek Pendidikan Seni. Dalam banyak-banyak subjek kat sekolah, subjek Pendidikan Seni la yang paling susah. Persaman kimia pun tak susah macam tu. Dari sekolah rendah, memang tangan ni buta seni, ini tangan kayu untuk mewarna, ini tangan bengap untuk buat poster. Senang serita, memang saya benci Pendidikan Seni sebab saya bukan orang pandai berseni.

Harap je beli crayon dan watercolor Buncho, tapi lukisan tak pernah cantik pun. Tetap buruk macam tu jugak. Dulu masa sekolah, standard subjek seni tu I akan dapat C atau D. So, sekarang nampak tak how suck I am in art and being creative?? Tapi I senang kagum dengan hasil seni orang lain. Erm, contohnya macam ada orang boleh sketch sendiri design dress dia mahu. Tapi kalau suruh I sketch? Mesti orang akan tanya balik apa benda yang I sketch tu. :( . I is sad la like dis.

Ada b2b yang I kagum sebab boleh DIY invitation card la, candy booth la, door gift la, decoration la, heck ada b2b yang DIY sendiri pelamin dan bedroom dia. Kagum I dengan b2b ni. Bila tengok mampu ke I nak buat macam tu nanti andai satu hari nanti I kahwin, I rasa nak sorok muka bawah katil je rasanya :( . How can these brides be sooo damn freaking creative? How? How? I admire some of these brides creativity and their DIY works. Like how these one bride design her own solemnization dress and it turns out to be sooooo beautiful.

I look at both of my hands and I thought, damn it there's no way I can DIY anything for my wedding. This hands of mine apparently are blind when it comes to art and creativity. For example, DIY paper flower. How do these brides do it? Where did they got the time to do quite a lot of paper flowers? And it's amazing that some of the ex-bride's were too creative that they had decided to run a wedding decoration event. Just look at white lace tale and ren-da-bellezza; both of the business are run by ex-brides. And I was drooling by looking at their works.

When I look at both of my parents, I sighed. Apparently my lack of creativity must be inherited from them since they're not so artsy and creative as well. Nevertheless, I promise to myself, one day if I getting married (which I'm not sure when), I must must must have something that I DIY for my own wedding. And you boyfriend, don't you dare to laugh at my lack of creativity skills. Don't u dare to laugh at me or else I'll smack your back. I mean it y'know.

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Hello Miss J

Last month and earlier this month has got to be one of the most stressful time in my life. Please pardon this excited and happy girl. I was thinking too deep about the planning, too busy discuss this and that with the other half, had a numerous discussion with mum on the phone, had a stupid argument with the other half over the same thing over and over again. The list were endless. As a result, miss J began to appear in face. Ahkak berasa berdukacita kerana sudah lama miss J tak muncul semasa PMS, tiba-tiba bulan ni rajin pulak miss J datang. Ahkak berasa kuciwa sekali.


But in the end of it, I asked myself why should I sweat over the small stuff/details when we both knew that there are lots of things that we both need to focus. I've to admit, both I and the other half have different directions for our future. And looking back at it, eventhough there are soooooo many differences between us, surprisingly we both still survive. It's like we complete each other. Haha, poyo much. Statement masuk bakul angkat sendiri sungguh, LOL.


But deep inside, despite all the numerous heated discussion and arguments, I do feel happy. How can I not be happy at this moment? Everyone is happy. And my definition of pure happiness is when I see the people that I love happy. Nevermind if I have to be stressful here and there. I just seek everyone approvals and I'm trying my best to make everyone happy. Because at the end of the day, both the other half and I believe, the most important thing is our family blessing.


Well in the meantime ahkak perlu la lebih bertenang demi memastikan miss J di muka ahkak tidak membiak dengan lebih berleluasa lagi. Miss J tu bukannya miss J kat America Next Top Model tu. Miss J tu miss Jerawat y'know. Ahkak stress tengok miss J membiak dengan suburnya kat muka ahkak ni.


Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone